A response to the last class and such

First of all, when I first read Todd's blog (before it was brought up in class), I kind of understood his point of view. While I didn't agree with everything, I did see points that I could almost relate to. From a somewhat ignorant outsider's perspective (like mine), sometimes it does feel like minority groups are too concerned with being minorities, too concerned with what makes them so different. Though I completely support these groups because there is a power in numbers and an importance in visibility and exposure and learning more about oneself and one's heritage, etc, I can relate to Todd and then Eddy's assertions. It is important what you do as an individual first and foremost, regardless of what color or religion or sexuality you are.



I know this sounds really inadequate, but being white, i feel that i am in a weak position at times. Okay, perhaps I do have privledges and I don't get discriminated against in most situations. People don't really think twice when they see me in room...unless of course it was a room full of "colored" people. But being white, I sometimes wonder, if a minority wrongs me or discriminates against me, am I entitled to hurt? Or because i cannot know my specific heritage, because i am washed out and blank and one of the mass, the controlling majority, can I not speak? Racism, as we mentioned in class, can only be inflicted by a person in "power," the majority.



Of course I am entitled to hurt. Of course I can speak up and out. In fact in most cases, I may be actually given some advantage. For example, if I was harmed by a black man (stereotype) I may have more of a chance of winning a court case in a place like williamsburg...but what would be the backlash? "It's racism...He's only guilty because white America wants to remain in control, etc, etc." I do not deny that this injustice happens and it sickens me when I watch movies like "who killed vincent chin" or to think about Emmett Till. It absolutely sickens me...and I maybe even get the white guilt thing because I to some extent feel personally responisble. How could my relatives, however distant, have done something like that?

But, more relevant in my daily life (because I'm not dealing with racism, court cases and the like), when i sit in our class or reflect on what we talk about, i question my whiteness. I think before I speak, even in the safe, accepting environment of our classroom. But why? Why do I feel so bad because I am white? Why does this seem so wrong? It's ironic because it seems so desirable to be white, to be in power, to have everything at your doorstep. But to be labeled "one who has lost all ties to previous heritage" or is just "white without any trace of ethnic origin," that doesnt sound too nice. I've never really thought about it that way before our last class. I never once hesitated to circle "white-not of hispanic origin" on my SAT or paperwork before. Why now does that seem so bad? Why are we all so scared to be the same, to be one in the crowd, and yet at the same time, so scared to stand out? Is there no winning?

The truth is I'm not one of the masses because I'm white. I'm not bad because I'm white. I'm not a racist because I'm white...only the ignorant would categorize someone that way. In fact, I'm proud to be who I am...even if I happen to be a white girl. As Todd and Eddy both said, and I'm sure most would agree, it's important to be proud of who you are, to love yourself no matter what you look like on the outside. That reads like a cliche, but to paraphrase writer Wallace Stegner, cliches are the only way to describe things sometimes.

Wow...

So I just got the email from Francis about MLK Jr.'s memorial sculpture. I cannot believe that there is all this controversy over a Chinese man designing it. Why should it matter the color of his skin? Who cares if a black man designs it or not? I don't know if I'm getting all of the information in this one article, but I'm really fired up for some reason. It's ridiculous that people would discriminate against an artist just because he's not African-American or the type of stone he uses is not the right kind. More over it is incredibly ironic that all MLK ever wanted was equality and peace and now even when memoralizing him we find some way to skirt around his true message. It's like when people use a God to justify war. It's absolutely bizare. Again, maybe I'm not reading into the whole story, but still, wow.

Purple response

Ok this may be a little bit sad…I finally got Purple yesterday. I’ve only read it three times and seen it twice now. For some reason, yesterday I just had this “Ohhh! I get it!” moment. I mean I probably haven’t even begun to tap into all of its unique, intricately designed words and meanings yet, but I’m really happy with my progress. It made watching it much more enjoyable and moving. I’m using clichés here, but I can’t really think of anything more eloquent to say.

P.S. I’m really struggling with my project. I have very little inspiration. Well I just can’t seem to say what I want to say…and I don’t even know what I want to say. I’m freaking out just a little bit.

M. Butterfly

For some reason I haven’t ever really enjoyed reading plays. I love watching them or reading through a script before it is performed, but I don’t really enjoy reading plays. I would much rather hear different voices read the words out loud than sit in my room and read silently. I just get more out of it I guess.

However, with M. Butterfly, I was actually captivated as I read. Maybe I was intrigued by the fact that it is based on real events, real, somewhat strange events. The idea that a man could successfully hide being a man in a sexual relationship got my attention. But of course there is more to the story than that.

I really enjoyed watching the film version as well. Though at times I did feel slightly uncomfortable with the kissing (I guess it’s just not something you’re accustomed to seeing on a big screen…or least I’m not), I really thought it was well done cinematically. This play and film have the ability to seem at the surface entertaining and interesting, while at the same time really striking at the core of something much more meaningful and symbolic. The fact that that it calls into question Asian gender stereotypes is really interesting to me. Before I read this play last year, I had never really associated Asian males as more feminine, or the East as something to be conquered by the very masculine West. Maybe subconsciously I acknowledged popular images presented of the nerdy, passive, computer-loving Asian man, but after reading this story it came to the forefront of my thoughts. Ever since this play I’ve been so much more aware of Asians in the media and of course how they are portrayed. Why are Asians thought of as weaker? More feminine?
If you just went to the theater to see this production you might miss the intense power of Hwang’s words and the images he presents us. M. Butterfly, to me, is so wonderful Hwang begs us to reflect and truly think about this story; the story of the men and the women; the story of the West and the East. I also think that though it is a highly specific plot, with Rene and his Butterfly, at its core it is applicable to so much more. It comments on love and loss, politics, society, etc. I am proud to say that this has been one

Recent thoughts on Takaki

It's so strange to read Takaki sometimes. Maybe I've just been ignorant for a good part of my life or maybe I just haven't been exposed to Asian American history and the hardships these people faced and still face today.

Each time I read Takaki I find myself getting more and more angered and disturbed and hurt by what people, namely whites, did to Asians as they tried to immigrate and settle here. In the recent chapter, "Forgotten Filipinos," the quotation, "Only whites are allowed in this neighborhood, (pg. 325) was particularly interesting to me. It's hard to read a quote like that and not automatically think about the civil rights movement. That's just what we were taught: discrimination was white vs. black. I know we've talked about the fact that most of us did not learn Asian American history in classes and school, but it's hitting me harder now as we get further into the class.

Growing up in Virginia, we always learned about Virginia history and therefore our focus was usually on European colonization and Native Americans in our region. When we studied world history, we did touch on the Asian culture, but studied the major dynasties of China and the like. Of course we did learn other things, not just major dates or people, but I don't think we ever really learned any details about Asian American events. I recently found this website on google (http://web.mit.edu/21h.153j/www/chrono.html) which had all of these critical events in Asian American history. Whether or not it was reliable or not could be investigated, but it did have a HUGE list of years and important events for Asian Americans. It makes me think, "hey why didn't we learn some of these at least?!?"

I sometimes wonder why we don't learn things or do things. For example, why are my friends predominantly white? Is that because I grew up with white kids? Or is it because deep down, I don't feel connected with other races? That's a tough question to answer or even think about. It makes you feel bad... Why are there fewer inter-racial couples? Is that because of our parents bias' or because more people like people who look more like them...or at least gravitate towards their "own"? Do we not learn about Asian American history on the East coast because there are fewer Asian Americans and we just really really really love Jamestown? Or is it something else?

It's hard to think about these things sometimes. Especially when you don't want to be in the wrong...we always want to think we're so liberal or so accepting, just like in some of the plays we've read. It's hard to consider the other side sometimes. It's hard to think that maybe you're wrong and you're something else you never thought you could ever be.

I don't worry too much, though. I do have hope that gradually we will blend (in a good way). I have hope that this class will allow for more awareness at the very very least to ourselves, our history and the history of others. We are the lucky ones and I'm excited to give others the opportunity to experience what we are living through in our class.

Colonial Williamsburg

Ok, first of all, i appologize if I came off sounding harsh about slavery...or giving anyone the impression that i think slavery is "fun" or ok.

I'm going to try to present my thoughts on the portrayal of slavery at Colonial Williamsburg more clearly here.

As i said in class, i've worked at cw since i was 10...so like half my life. therefore, i've witnessed the changes that have occured there over the years. also, ive met people who have spent their entire lives working and loving and RESEARCHING history in order to help people learn and appreciate the past while still enjoying their vacation.

on the basic level, everyone who interprets history (interpret being the key word) go through extensive training. we learn the basic facts as well as more specific facts. we learn dates of course but we also learn about the lives of individuals who go relatively unnoticed in history books, people George Wythe who was the first professor of law here and schooled Thomas Jefferson and signed the Declaration of Independence. we also learn much about slavery here in williamsburg and throughout the colonies...and while we learn, we learn the straight facts. we research court cases, diaries, etc to get a better handle on this very sensitive subject.

of the interpreters of colonial williamsburg (the costumed employees), about 80% (which is a rough estimate) are what we deem "third person interpreters." in other words, these men and women, regardless of their skin color give tours and explain history to the public not portraying individual people of the past and not in any specific roles. Therefore, just because an employee is black does not automatically mean that they will be deemed "slave"...so if you go and visit there with your family and see a black man in costume, he could very well be in the governor's palace talking about the governor and NOT working in the fields. by that same token, the "african american interpreters" who focus on life for african americans during the 18th century have several white interpreters. these men and women (black, white or whatever) are given the freedom to speak and INTERPRET history however they choose. So if you meet a man who says, "well not all slaves were miserable" that is an individual take on history, not the view of everyone and hopefully they are going off of their individual research.

on the other hand, there are scripted actors who do portray real people of history. However, it should not be assumed that what they are saying is simply edited to only show happy thoughts. these scripts are edited and edited and do take into account both primary and secondary documents. colonial williamsburg takes pride in its research and does not automatically give an african american a torn and tattered costume and send them on the streets saying "yess'uh massuh." Though slaves did outnumber whites in williamsburg 52% to 48%, not all were enslaved. that's why you may see some african americans portraying freed slaves or "happy" slaves.

No matter the case, colonial williamsburg as far as i know (and maybe i'm being too generous) is not trying to gloss over slavery. if you speak long enough with anyone, they will relay all they know to you. if you look online, at www.history.org, there are historical accounts and specifics about individual slaves and there lives.

i guess what i want to say is that at colonial williamsburg they are not re-enacting history, they are interpreting it. they are also catering to the public in several ways and not simply trying to make money (at least the men and women who have spent their entire lives working there are).

for my part, from experience interpreting to the public, it is an uncomfortable position to be in at times. i could sit in the parlor of a wealthy person's home and because of my "poor" looking costume, people would go "are you the servant??" everyone gets it...even me a white girl. maybe more people would joke about it outloud to me, rather than be deemed racist by saying the same thing to an african american, but still not everyone going to williamsburg is going to take away what they wish.

if you choose to see racism you will see it. sometimes it is thrust upon you (like in Syreeta's case at Binns) and other times it is less apparent and at times, it is an excuse for any "injustice" experienced. Colonial Williamsburg aside, slavery and race are still sensitive issues. Being a white girl, i do feel that my claims even in this class arent legitimate. I havent experienced racism on an extreme level, at least not that i've noticed. But i do remember middle school and high school where my school seemed quite segregated...but not simply because me and my "white" friends were racist. often, at least from my perspective, the reason black and white people didnt sit together at lunch was because we came from different neighborhoods and often we just acted so different. that again may sound harsh and i appologize but its true kind of. also i often felt like the african american kids would push me and my white friends aside a lot, as if we were the reason for their hardships. again, oversimplification, but there was definitely tension for whatever reason.

sometimes being white i do feel frustrated when people play the race card. as i said earlier, racism is there. that cannot be denied but other times race has nothing to do with the immediate problem. for example, my mother is the director of the spa of colonial williamsburg. she is a white woman in a seat of power. she once said to me, "sometimes i dont want to hire african americans because if i ever have problems with them or reprimand them they call me racist." now of couse she DOES hire african americans and she does treat them equally...but i can totally relate to this statement. case in point, recently an african american man worked for the spa and he was STEALING from us right and left and trying to sell our products on the street. he would abuse the system and steal. when my mom terminated him, he got very aggressive and said "i'm just a black man...you gotta problem with me because i'm just a black man trying to live my life." irregardless of the problems in his life, he was stealing. my mom terminated him just as she would a white man in the same position.

its things like this that anger me as a white girl. like the song played in class "we're all a little bit racist" and i guess the best thing to do is just be AWARE and not paranoid. it is a tough situation, but i thought i'd kind of say maybe what todd's been thinking in some of his blogs. thats all, sorry this is so long...

In Response to the proposals...

I'm still kind of trying to find my inspiration for my project. I do have a more concrete idea, but I have no idea what kind of medium I'm going to use.

Everyone elses sound great though. I'm really happy to see/experience them.