A response to the last class and such

First of all, when I first read Todd's blog (before it was brought up in class), I kind of understood his point of view. While I didn't agree with everything, I did see points that I could almost relate to. From a somewhat ignorant outsider's perspective (like mine), sometimes it does feel like minority groups are too concerned with being minorities, too concerned with what makes them so different. Though I completely support these groups because there is a power in numbers and an importance in visibility and exposure and learning more about oneself and one's heritage, etc, I can relate to Todd and then Eddy's assertions. It is important what you do as an individual first and foremost, regardless of what color or religion or sexuality you are.



I know this sounds really inadequate, but being white, i feel that i am in a weak position at times. Okay, perhaps I do have privledges and I don't get discriminated against in most situations. People don't really think twice when they see me in room...unless of course it was a room full of "colored" people. But being white, I sometimes wonder, if a minority wrongs me or discriminates against me, am I entitled to hurt? Or because i cannot know my specific heritage, because i am washed out and blank and one of the mass, the controlling majority, can I not speak? Racism, as we mentioned in class, can only be inflicted by a person in "power," the majority.



Of course I am entitled to hurt. Of course I can speak up and out. In fact in most cases, I may be actually given some advantage. For example, if I was harmed by a black man (stereotype) I may have more of a chance of winning a court case in a place like williamsburg...but what would be the backlash? "It's racism...He's only guilty because white America wants to remain in control, etc, etc." I do not deny that this injustice happens and it sickens me when I watch movies like "who killed vincent chin" or to think about Emmett Till. It absolutely sickens me...and I maybe even get the white guilt thing because I to some extent feel personally responisble. How could my relatives, however distant, have done something like that?

But, more relevant in my daily life (because I'm not dealing with racism, court cases and the like), when i sit in our class or reflect on what we talk about, i question my whiteness. I think before I speak, even in the safe, accepting environment of our classroom. But why? Why do I feel so bad because I am white? Why does this seem so wrong? It's ironic because it seems so desirable to be white, to be in power, to have everything at your doorstep. But to be labeled "one who has lost all ties to previous heritage" or is just "white without any trace of ethnic origin," that doesnt sound too nice. I've never really thought about it that way before our last class. I never once hesitated to circle "white-not of hispanic origin" on my SAT or paperwork before. Why now does that seem so bad? Why are we all so scared to be the same, to be one in the crowd, and yet at the same time, so scared to stand out? Is there no winning?

The truth is I'm not one of the masses because I'm white. I'm not bad because I'm white. I'm not a racist because I'm white...only the ignorant would categorize someone that way. In fact, I'm proud to be who I am...even if I happen to be a white girl. As Todd and Eddy both said, and I'm sure most would agree, it's important to be proud of who you are, to love yourself no matter what you look like on the outside. That reads like a cliche, but to paraphrase writer Wallace Stegner, cliches are the only way to describe things sometimes.

Wow...

So I just got the email from Francis about MLK Jr.'s memorial sculpture. I cannot believe that there is all this controversy over a Chinese man designing it. Why should it matter the color of his skin? Who cares if a black man designs it or not? I don't know if I'm getting all of the information in this one article, but I'm really fired up for some reason. It's ridiculous that people would discriminate against an artist just because he's not African-American or the type of stone he uses is not the right kind. More over it is incredibly ironic that all MLK ever wanted was equality and peace and now even when memoralizing him we find some way to skirt around his true message. It's like when people use a God to justify war. It's absolutely bizare. Again, maybe I'm not reading into the whole story, but still, wow.

Purple response

Ok this may be a little bit sad…I finally got Purple yesterday. I’ve only read it three times and seen it twice now. For some reason, yesterday I just had this “Ohhh! I get it!” moment. I mean I probably haven’t even begun to tap into all of its unique, intricately designed words and meanings yet, but I’m really happy with my progress. It made watching it much more enjoyable and moving. I’m using clichés here, but I can’t really think of anything more eloquent to say.

P.S. I’m really struggling with my project. I have very little inspiration. Well I just can’t seem to say what I want to say…and I don’t even know what I want to say. I’m freaking out just a little bit.

M. Butterfly

For some reason I haven’t ever really enjoyed reading plays. I love watching them or reading through a script before it is performed, but I don’t really enjoy reading plays. I would much rather hear different voices read the words out loud than sit in my room and read silently. I just get more out of it I guess.

However, with M. Butterfly, I was actually captivated as I read. Maybe I was intrigued by the fact that it is based on real events, real, somewhat strange events. The idea that a man could successfully hide being a man in a sexual relationship got my attention. But of course there is more to the story than that.

I really enjoyed watching the film version as well. Though at times I did feel slightly uncomfortable with the kissing (I guess it’s just not something you’re accustomed to seeing on a big screen…or least I’m not), I really thought it was well done cinematically. This play and film have the ability to seem at the surface entertaining and interesting, while at the same time really striking at the core of something much more meaningful and symbolic. The fact that that it calls into question Asian gender stereotypes is really interesting to me. Before I read this play last year, I had never really associated Asian males as more feminine, or the East as something to be conquered by the very masculine West. Maybe subconsciously I acknowledged popular images presented of the nerdy, passive, computer-loving Asian man, but after reading this story it came to the forefront of my thoughts. Ever since this play I’ve been so much more aware of Asians in the media and of course how they are portrayed. Why are Asians thought of as weaker? More feminine?
If you just went to the theater to see this production you might miss the intense power of Hwang’s words and the images he presents us. M. Butterfly, to me, is so wonderful Hwang begs us to reflect and truly think about this story; the story of the men and the women; the story of the West and the East. I also think that though it is a highly specific plot, with Rene and his Butterfly, at its core it is applicable to so much more. It comments on love and loss, politics, society, etc. I am proud to say that this has been one

Recent thoughts on Takaki

It's so strange to read Takaki sometimes. Maybe I've just been ignorant for a good part of my life or maybe I just haven't been exposed to Asian American history and the hardships these people faced and still face today.

Each time I read Takaki I find myself getting more and more angered and disturbed and hurt by what people, namely whites, did to Asians as they tried to immigrate and settle here. In the recent chapter, "Forgotten Filipinos," the quotation, "Only whites are allowed in this neighborhood, (pg. 325) was particularly interesting to me. It's hard to read a quote like that and not automatically think about the civil rights movement. That's just what we were taught: discrimination was white vs. black. I know we've talked about the fact that most of us did not learn Asian American history in classes and school, but it's hitting me harder now as we get further into the class.

Growing up in Virginia, we always learned about Virginia history and therefore our focus was usually on European colonization and Native Americans in our region. When we studied world history, we did touch on the Asian culture, but studied the major dynasties of China and the like. Of course we did learn other things, not just major dates or people, but I don't think we ever really learned any details about Asian American events. I recently found this website on google (http://web.mit.edu/21h.153j/www/chrono.html) which had all of these critical events in Asian American history. Whether or not it was reliable or not could be investigated, but it did have a HUGE list of years and important events for Asian Americans. It makes me think, "hey why didn't we learn some of these at least?!?"

I sometimes wonder why we don't learn things or do things. For example, why are my friends predominantly white? Is that because I grew up with white kids? Or is it because deep down, I don't feel connected with other races? That's a tough question to answer or even think about. It makes you feel bad... Why are there fewer inter-racial couples? Is that because of our parents bias' or because more people like people who look more like them...or at least gravitate towards their "own"? Do we not learn about Asian American history on the East coast because there are fewer Asian Americans and we just really really really love Jamestown? Or is it something else?

It's hard to think about these things sometimes. Especially when you don't want to be in the wrong...we always want to think we're so liberal or so accepting, just like in some of the plays we've read. It's hard to consider the other side sometimes. It's hard to think that maybe you're wrong and you're something else you never thought you could ever be.

I don't worry too much, though. I do have hope that gradually we will blend (in a good way). I have hope that this class will allow for more awareness at the very very least to ourselves, our history and the history of others. We are the lucky ones and I'm excited to give others the opportunity to experience what we are living through in our class.

Colonial Williamsburg

Ok, first of all, i appologize if I came off sounding harsh about slavery...or giving anyone the impression that i think slavery is "fun" or ok.

I'm going to try to present my thoughts on the portrayal of slavery at Colonial Williamsburg more clearly here.

As i said in class, i've worked at cw since i was 10...so like half my life. therefore, i've witnessed the changes that have occured there over the years. also, ive met people who have spent their entire lives working and loving and RESEARCHING history in order to help people learn and appreciate the past while still enjoying their vacation.

on the basic level, everyone who interprets history (interpret being the key word) go through extensive training. we learn the basic facts as well as more specific facts. we learn dates of course but we also learn about the lives of individuals who go relatively unnoticed in history books, people George Wythe who was the first professor of law here and schooled Thomas Jefferson and signed the Declaration of Independence. we also learn much about slavery here in williamsburg and throughout the colonies...and while we learn, we learn the straight facts. we research court cases, diaries, etc to get a better handle on this very sensitive subject.

of the interpreters of colonial williamsburg (the costumed employees), about 80% (which is a rough estimate) are what we deem "third person interpreters." in other words, these men and women, regardless of their skin color give tours and explain history to the public not portraying individual people of the past and not in any specific roles. Therefore, just because an employee is black does not automatically mean that they will be deemed "slave"...so if you go and visit there with your family and see a black man in costume, he could very well be in the governor's palace talking about the governor and NOT working in the fields. by that same token, the "african american interpreters" who focus on life for african americans during the 18th century have several white interpreters. these men and women (black, white or whatever) are given the freedom to speak and INTERPRET history however they choose. So if you meet a man who says, "well not all slaves were miserable" that is an individual take on history, not the view of everyone and hopefully they are going off of their individual research.

on the other hand, there are scripted actors who do portray real people of history. However, it should not be assumed that what they are saying is simply edited to only show happy thoughts. these scripts are edited and edited and do take into account both primary and secondary documents. colonial williamsburg takes pride in its research and does not automatically give an african american a torn and tattered costume and send them on the streets saying "yess'uh massuh." Though slaves did outnumber whites in williamsburg 52% to 48%, not all were enslaved. that's why you may see some african americans portraying freed slaves or "happy" slaves.

No matter the case, colonial williamsburg as far as i know (and maybe i'm being too generous) is not trying to gloss over slavery. if you speak long enough with anyone, they will relay all they know to you. if you look online, at www.history.org, there are historical accounts and specifics about individual slaves and there lives.

i guess what i want to say is that at colonial williamsburg they are not re-enacting history, they are interpreting it. they are also catering to the public in several ways and not simply trying to make money (at least the men and women who have spent their entire lives working there are).

for my part, from experience interpreting to the public, it is an uncomfortable position to be in at times. i could sit in the parlor of a wealthy person's home and because of my "poor" looking costume, people would go "are you the servant??" everyone gets it...even me a white girl. maybe more people would joke about it outloud to me, rather than be deemed racist by saying the same thing to an african american, but still not everyone going to williamsburg is going to take away what they wish.

if you choose to see racism you will see it. sometimes it is thrust upon you (like in Syreeta's case at Binns) and other times it is less apparent and at times, it is an excuse for any "injustice" experienced. Colonial Williamsburg aside, slavery and race are still sensitive issues. Being a white girl, i do feel that my claims even in this class arent legitimate. I havent experienced racism on an extreme level, at least not that i've noticed. But i do remember middle school and high school where my school seemed quite segregated...but not simply because me and my "white" friends were racist. often, at least from my perspective, the reason black and white people didnt sit together at lunch was because we came from different neighborhoods and often we just acted so different. that again may sound harsh and i appologize but its true kind of. also i often felt like the african american kids would push me and my white friends aside a lot, as if we were the reason for their hardships. again, oversimplification, but there was definitely tension for whatever reason.

sometimes being white i do feel frustrated when people play the race card. as i said earlier, racism is there. that cannot be denied but other times race has nothing to do with the immediate problem. for example, my mother is the director of the spa of colonial williamsburg. she is a white woman in a seat of power. she once said to me, "sometimes i dont want to hire african americans because if i ever have problems with them or reprimand them they call me racist." now of couse she DOES hire african americans and she does treat them equally...but i can totally relate to this statement. case in point, recently an african american man worked for the spa and he was STEALING from us right and left and trying to sell our products on the street. he would abuse the system and steal. when my mom terminated him, he got very aggressive and said "i'm just a black man...you gotta problem with me because i'm just a black man trying to live my life." irregardless of the problems in his life, he was stealing. my mom terminated him just as she would a white man in the same position.

its things like this that anger me as a white girl. like the song played in class "we're all a little bit racist" and i guess the best thing to do is just be AWARE and not paranoid. it is a tough situation, but i thought i'd kind of say maybe what todd's been thinking in some of his blogs. thats all, sorry this is so long...

In Response to the proposals...

I'm still kind of trying to find my inspiration for my project. I do have a more concrete idea, but I have no idea what kind of medium I'm going to use.

Everyone elses sound great though. I'm really happy to see/experience them.

Recent thoughts

First off, I'm really flustered (I think that's the best word to describe it) about our upcoming projects. I have an idea of what I want to do, but I'm worried about making a meaningful project out of this...especially in a week. So basically I'm flustered.

Second, I went to the first meeting for AATC-IPAX and it was really amazing. It's great to be part of something with so genuine and good. I also am so excited about the potential we have to really make this group come alive and do wonderful things.

That's all.

I became involved in this play, "The Conversion of Ka'ahumanu" more so than "Talk Story," and I'm not exactly sure why. Throughout the opening of the play I was hesistant to connect or sympathize with Sybil and Lucy mainly because I'm not a fan of missionary work when it's so black and white...or so focused on Christianizing people because without a Christian God, all are doomed. However, as the story progessed it was really interesting to watch the character development of these two women in particular. I think that Kneubuhl does a great job of showing an almost natural prejudice or an innate "hatred" for anything that is different, even people. Even as Lucy screams out at the "filthy" Pali, I could almost pity her, because as hard as she's trying to be good and working in the light of Christ, she still goes back to her hatred...she "forgets" herself (pg. 194). And though Lucy is a bit of a hypocrit, it echoes back to Lon in "Talk Story" and this idea that even though we want to believe we are good or accepting or "liberal" or Christian, it is very difficult to let go of an almost natural prejudice that at times seems innate and uncontrollable.

I also liked how Kneubuhl did not make it completely about white people hating people of color. In this play, for the first time that I can remember, I've seen both sides of the story. The native people also judged the white women as they came over and even were extremely awful to their own kind, beating them almost to death. It made the situation in my opinion all the more complicated and it made me focus on the individual characters and what they were each saying and doing, rather than grouping the people and then labeling one good and the other bad.

I was saddened at the end by Ka'ahumanu's letting go or her "conversion" but at the same time, it did not seem completely awful. Her final assertions were not bitter or cold, but rather they were simply given with a tone of acceptance. She does not fully give up her past, but seeks to unite the past and the present.

I am excited to discuss this play in class.

Chapter 3

As I read chapter three one thing I found peculiar was the "Heathen Chinee." I guess the descriptions of the Chinese as evil, threatening, "bloodsucking vampires," who are morally inferior and lustful is strange. It's awful, of course, but it's interesting to note that this stereotype (at least in my opinion) has changed drastically today. Today it seems that the Chinese or to broaden the spectrum to "Asians" have a less scary stereotype. I know stereotypes are awful and I feel kind of bad writing this but it was on my mind as I read. Today it seems that when we place Asians into a stereotype (at least in the media or films) they are either incredibly smart and computer geniuses or really good at martial arts. This is still negative, but not quite to the extreme as calling a Chinese worker a vampire.

Another thing that bothered me slightly was on page 85 when Takaki said that the Central Pacific Railroad was a Chinese achievement. I don't know that much about this process and the exact figures of who actually built the railroad, but this statement of Takaki's makes it seem as if no one else was involved in this "achievement." I think we briefly touched on this in class.

Other than that, I dont have much to say...I'm excited to discuss this in class.

Illusions

"Illusion and I
Travelled over the ocean "(pg. 74).

For me, these were the most memorable and meaningful lines from this chapter, "Overblown with Hope." So simply, so plainly they state everything that Takaki described about the Asian migration to America over the many, many years.

For me this chapter read almost like a novel or a short story. At times I found myself nearly moved to tears with the personal stories and especially the personal quotes and poetry. Maybe I'm being overly emotional or trying too hard to analyze the literary elements of Takaki's work, however, I can't help but become wrapped up in these people's lives. They went through more than I could ever imagine. They voluntarily left their families and boarded ships to face the storms ahead, both literal and figurative. The women who left to marry men they had never met; the men who sold themselves for work....All of this for some illusion, some "enchanted" (pg. 65) ideal of America and all with a "Hope" that all too often ended in disappointment.

It's strange for me to think that life could be so miserable that anyone would go willingly to a place where so much was unsure. The thought of leaving my family for good is frightening, but then again so is the idea of "sinking into the toilet" (pg. 59) . Perhaps I would give up part of my identity to become a doll of sorts, like the picture-brides.

I suppose, in the end, no matter what you meet, "Hope" keeps you going; belief or faith in the "illusion" or the "dream" keeps you going. I guess it's up to you to decide whether or not that "dream" is worth fighting for...thankfully, I think Takaki thinks it is.

Labels

I won't make my post too complicated. I just wanted to address something we touched on in class Monday: the idea of labeling, which in and of itself is actually quite complicated.

We are all victims of "Labeling" in a sense. I mean it's the first thing that happens to most of us when we are born; we are given a name. As we grow up, we find only more labels, some that we choose and others that we somehow acquire, whether we like it or not.

Growing up for me, my "labels" were not that complicated...or so it would seem. I was white. I had very blonde hair and bright blue eyes. My dad and mom were happily married with steady jobs and we lived comfortably. I'm fortunate I guess, because I can be labeled the "typical, All-American girl!" But of course it's not that simple. Of course being blonde and white does not make you an American. That is such a stupid idea, but for some reason it is somewhat of a stereotype or a far-fetched notion.

I never really felt any discrimination, at least I never worried I would meet it. But that's not to say it does not happen, even to me. For a lame example, I was a work only two weeks ago and one of my co-workers told me she was getting a boob-job, for lack of a more scientific word. She told me that she had everything and she was happy with everything...except for her breasts. She told me that to be a woman, you had to have large breasts. Without them, you couldn't be sexy or attractive or wanted. You couldn't belong.

I don't know why it stung me so much. i mean I almost cried as ridiculous as that is. Clearly the woman was insecure about her ownself, but it DID affect me. I mean I'm by no means a double-D chest size. And in that moment, though my own brain said, "Erin, this is stupid. Boobs don't make you a woman. Boobs don't make you sexy," I still couldn't shake a feeling of hurt and disgust.

I recalled this in class the other day when we were speaking of plastic surgery. I also recalled it when I was reading Talk-Story, when the notions of American Women, White women, blonde women were brought up. I don't really know how to end this post, but that's just what was on my mind. In the end, it is clear that people label or have certain ideas in their minds about the way people should look or act. Labeling, in a sense, is a way of connecting or orienting oneself towards others.

I guess, even though I'm still working on my own self-image, like most people my age, I am proud to say that I will not fall victim to those who try to group me or those who tell me I am not a beautiful woman. Everyone should feel beautiful, sexy, and mostly know that beauty and sexiness come from within...as cliche as that is.

I dont even know...

I'm kind of a stranger...

My name is Erin and I just added this class kind of on a whim. So in that sense, I'm a stranger.

I'm a stranger to this blogging thing...

I'm kind of a stranger to William and Mary, since this is only my second semester here.

But most importantly (and sadly), I'm a stranger to nearly all aspects of Asian culture and history. So in the same way as Takaki points out that Asian-Americans were "strangers from a different shore," I am a stranger too.

I added this class, as I said, on a whim. I'm way behind on my GER's and so if I was at all practical, I would probably be in that linguistics class I dropped or heaven forbid--a math class. But for some reason I was drawn to this one on banner.

I was still hesitant even after I signed up and emailed Francis...my conscience kicking in. "I should be taking a math class," I would think. However, after I read the chapters from last night, I'm amazed that I ever had any doubt at all.

I felt much of what was elaborated in some of the other blog posts. I felt some anger at the lack of Asian American history here in the U.S. At times, I also felt sad and even ashamed that for so long I've blindly accepted people like Thomas Jefferson as brilliant heroes of sorts. It amazed me last night that in only two chapters of Takaki's writings I could become so impassioned and so excited about learning and sharing and rethinking history and art and culture.

And so even though this is kind of a pathetic attempt at a "blog," I am thrilled to be part of this class and I am okay about being a stranger, if only so that I can truly be open to this new experience.

Thanks.