A response to the last class and such

First of all, when I first read Todd's blog (before it was brought up in class), I kind of understood his point of view. While I didn't agree with everything, I did see points that I could almost relate to. From a somewhat ignorant outsider's perspective (like mine), sometimes it does feel like minority groups are too concerned with being minorities, too concerned with what makes them so different. Though I completely support these groups because there is a power in numbers and an importance in visibility and exposure and learning more about oneself and one's heritage, etc, I can relate to Todd and then Eddy's assertions. It is important what you do as an individual first and foremost, regardless of what color or religion or sexuality you are.



I know this sounds really inadequate, but being white, i feel that i am in a weak position at times. Okay, perhaps I do have privledges and I don't get discriminated against in most situations. People don't really think twice when they see me in room...unless of course it was a room full of "colored" people. But being white, I sometimes wonder, if a minority wrongs me or discriminates against me, am I entitled to hurt? Or because i cannot know my specific heritage, because i am washed out and blank and one of the mass, the controlling majority, can I not speak? Racism, as we mentioned in class, can only be inflicted by a person in "power," the majority.



Of course I am entitled to hurt. Of course I can speak up and out. In fact in most cases, I may be actually given some advantage. For example, if I was harmed by a black man (stereotype) I may have more of a chance of winning a court case in a place like williamsburg...but what would be the backlash? "It's racism...He's only guilty because white America wants to remain in control, etc, etc." I do not deny that this injustice happens and it sickens me when I watch movies like "who killed vincent chin" or to think about Emmett Till. It absolutely sickens me...and I maybe even get the white guilt thing because I to some extent feel personally responisble. How could my relatives, however distant, have done something like that?

But, more relevant in my daily life (because I'm not dealing with racism, court cases and the like), when i sit in our class or reflect on what we talk about, i question my whiteness. I think before I speak, even in the safe, accepting environment of our classroom. But why? Why do I feel so bad because I am white? Why does this seem so wrong? It's ironic because it seems so desirable to be white, to be in power, to have everything at your doorstep. But to be labeled "one who has lost all ties to previous heritage" or is just "white without any trace of ethnic origin," that doesnt sound too nice. I've never really thought about it that way before our last class. I never once hesitated to circle "white-not of hispanic origin" on my SAT or paperwork before. Why now does that seem so bad? Why are we all so scared to be the same, to be one in the crowd, and yet at the same time, so scared to stand out? Is there no winning?

The truth is I'm not one of the masses because I'm white. I'm not bad because I'm white. I'm not a racist because I'm white...only the ignorant would categorize someone that way. In fact, I'm proud to be who I am...even if I happen to be a white girl. As Todd and Eddy both said, and I'm sure most would agree, it's important to be proud of who you are, to love yourself no matter what you look like on the outside. That reads like a cliche, but to paraphrase writer Wallace Stegner, cliches are the only way to describe things sometimes.